Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
