Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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