K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
