girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
