Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
