Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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