The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
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downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
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Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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