so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
