Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
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Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
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I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.