I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
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While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
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Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes