He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs