Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
please come you make the beer taste better
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife