Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
