She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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