got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
