i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I am naked and annoyed.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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