i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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