2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize