She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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