I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
