I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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