I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
