At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
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