enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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