Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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