It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
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In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
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I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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