people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
