Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
