Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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