at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
