I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
