I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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