Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
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you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
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Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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