Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
