Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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