I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
