woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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