At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
