The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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