why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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