Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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