she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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