wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
