so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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