yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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