with your own penis?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
