Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
