She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
