I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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