It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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