don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
