The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
