You just made me feel so damn special
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
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i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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