2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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