We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my sisters under your porch take her home
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
