Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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