He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
