did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
