he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
