Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
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i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
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Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
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