Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
