Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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