grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
