is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
