Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
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It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
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i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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