I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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